Roles with the Changes

I am going to talk about gender roles.  It is mostly a male perspective, because I am male.  I know we live in a male dominated world.  I am not claiming any misandry in our society.  I am not taking away from the struggles that women have in our society.  The disparity and the issues they face, because of this are not to be ignored.  What I am discussing is the toxic nature of the binary gender roles we have in our culture.  The general public makes assumptions about gender and sexual orientation based on how people fit into the binary equation.  One small problem, the universe and people do not fit easily into a binary equation.  Let’s get to the discussion.

I have experienced much when it is comes to breaking gender stereotypes.  I have been accused of having too many Stereotypical feminine traits.  I am a bit of a Nurturer, Emotional and Moody at times.  Some of the folks who have accused me were in glass houses. People assume that some of these traits found in men automatically, makes that person Homosexual or Transgendered, but anything other than Heterosexual.  That is seriously bull manure.  Recently a young man who was a My Little Pony fan attempted suicide after constant bullying.  It is sad People cannot live and let live.  Why does it seem that other people’s lives invalidate the lives of others?  That is the attitude I see in the media.  They believe a gay marriage invalidates a straight one if it is allowed.  If people do not follow the socially prescribed gender, ethnic and religious roles and/or stereotypes the whole world would be thrown into anarchy.

The gender role issue is big.  I know I will never solve it by myself.  Many men who break the roles are treated by our society badly.  Men who are Nannies and Nurses typically get guff for being in a profession stereotypically female.  Male Nurses are asked why they are not Doctors.  Male Nannies are suspect for wanting to be around small children, the inference is creepy.  I worked as an In Home Caregiver myself.  If it was not for the fact I was in a relationship with the one I was taking care of, I believe I would have been given some flack.  Males can nurture.  I grew up in Southern California in the 1970’s to mid 1980’s; the attitudes about gender roles there were more progressive.  In 1985 I moved to small town Oregon.  I had a class where we did the whole mock marriage and egg baby assignment.  My partner was so traditional that when I told her I enjoyed cooking she told me that a man does not belong in a kitchen.  I had not experienced this before.  Since then the idea of the domestically gifted male is more acceptable.  The opposite side of this double standard is that strong career women are perceived by society at large as ambitious cold bitches.  Also if a woman does not want kids it is assumed that there is something wrong with them.  Not everyone one is built the same way.  We need to allow people to be who they are, without judgment. 

 Male survivors of Domestic abuse are treated like they are less masculine for “allowing” the abuse. I myself was told by people why did I put up with that from a woman with my own situation.  Most of the Attitudes I was getting was during the abuse, I have not received as much crap since I left.  I also have been careful with who I surround myself with.  I believe that some of the people who were threatened by my situation were male abusers themselves.  That does not mean that our society does not give male survivors of domestic abuse any slack.  I am not trying to take away from the challenges of women who are abused.  They have their own issues in our society.  We need to help anyone in an abusive relationship get help, regardless of who they are.   

Another gender role issues I have seen regards child sexual abuse.  If the abuser is male and his prey is female, our society can deal with that.  If both the abuser and prey are male, they can deal with it.  Not as well as the first scenario.  If the Abuser is female, our society just cannot get it head around it.  Many Male survivors of female abusers are told they got lucky.  That it was normal.  It is abuse the same if the genders were reverse.  It is an adult taking advantage of a child and introducing then to something they are not physically, emotionally and psychologically prepared for.  I use the term prey; because that is what sexual abusers do they prey on children.  I am not comfortable with the word victim and the word survivor gets overused too.  Males who have female abusers are made to feel they want it by the abuser and society.  That they are weak, because they just cannot bounce back.  Some are made to feel that they are ungrateful for rejecting something that is a fantasy for some.  I may be wrong; these feelings come from personal experience.

Double standards are pervasive in this society.  Recently Paul Dini and Kevin Smith talked about how Network and Advertising Executives do not see girls as a viable market.  They do not buy toys.  They are not worth the time to cater to.  I have seen female superhero character sell out in various stores.  The problem is the stores or manufacturers do not stock or make enough for demand.  Toys marketed for Girls are stuck with the whole stereotypical female gender roles.  Building toys, vehicles, athletics, action toys are not marketed to them.  For every Wonder Woman, Supergirl, Black Widow and Powerpuff Girls there are half a dozen Barbies, Bratz, Princesses and so on.  Boys are also excluded from any toy that promotes cooking and nurturing.  The Cooking part is changing.  Dolls, princesses, My Little Pony and the like for boys are highly discouraged.  As a young boy I wanted to play with dolls and have a play kitchen.  The dolls part was highly discouraged by many people in and out of my family.   

We need to encourage kids to go with their strength.  An A type personality girl that likes building and superheroes should be encouraged.  Boys that want to be princesses or cook or ponies should be encouraged.  Shaming people to fit the same old cookie cutter ideal is garbage.  Gay, Straight, Transgendered be who you are and wish to be stop trying to fit others’ expectations.  Blur the lines if it suits you.  For me a lot of the stereotypical feminine stuff is not for me.  Don’t put girls in a pink ghetto or deprive boys of that possible expression.  To paraphrase Chuck Berry form My Ding-A-Ling, be what you want to be and live the way you want to live. 

I will admit most of this is from my personal perspective.  It is what I know.  I also know compared to the typical female in our society, the issues I have seen in regards to a double standard are nowhere near the severity.  The other thing I have to offer is my perspective, which is not the typical white heterosexual male one either.  I am not trying to take away from anyone’s struggle.  I am just trying to shed light on some struggles we do not hear much about.  That Is My Not So Humble Opinion.

What the Heck is Normal?

Recently in The Mythic Café, with Charles de Lint & Company on Facebook, a picture had the following quote, “The day I broke up with Normal was the First day of my magical life.”  To this I commented the subsequent line, “Never broke up with Normal because Normal avoided me my whole Life.”  Some back and forth proceeded including a quote that stated that normal pays the bills.  I then said this: 

“I am going to put my two cents in. I was born with a birth defect and did everything in my power to be normal. Any time my exceptional-ness showed I tried to hide it. For example I repeated a grade because I was given a chance to skip a grade. I skipped 8th grade, but did ninth grade twice, because I desperately wanted to be normal. In my early twenties I realized I was exceptional and would never be normal or average. Due to the way I was born I would always be different. I have been doing my best since I revel in that fact.”

Here is the point.  I struggled many times with trying to be like everyone else.  The catch is, for me it is unattainable.  I am different.  No matter ho I try that will never change.  I honestly do not feel I am better, I feel I am interesting and exceptional.  As a kid being different seemed like a curse.  I had to hide it or deny it.  I mentioned a missed opportunity in the piece I wrote in the comments for the picture.  When I was in fifth grade I was in a school that was not up to the rest of the country in scholastic standards.  I moved to Adak, Alaska that year.  I was so behind in my grade level.  For the next three school years I moved three more times.  Each time I was trying to get caught up.  In seventh grade I was in a private school.  Their Junior High program was not by grade but groups.  Group One was essentially Seventh Grade, Group Two was Eighth, and Group Three was Ninth Grade.  I skipped Group Two in my second year there.  Not only did I pass I passed with mostly A’s.  I then transferred to Oxnard High.  I was given the opportunity to go into the Tenth Grade.  I decided not to I wanted to fit in not stand out, so I repeated Ninth Grade. 

The problem is I stood out anyway, 5’9” braces, glasses and awkward as hell, socially and physically.  I have since learned that normality is overrated.  High School for me was tough.  I came back from summer every year between the ages of 13 to 16 recuperating from some kind of surgical procedure. I was swollen and sore still in September and caught every illness.  What I failed to see was I am very smart, and though that may make me different I should never hid it or be ashamed.  In my succeeding years since my teenaged years, I learned that normality is an illusion.  The closest thing to normality is being average.  Who wants to be that?  You want to exceed expectations.

What is normal?  Everyone is different.  Even Identical twins are not identical.  Physically maybe, but since they are each individuals they cannot be exactly the same.  The Nineties movie Angus tackled the attempt to be normal.  It showed that even those who seem normal, average or ordinary may not be.  Appearances can be and many times are deceiving.  For me it is unattainable, because I will always be different.  I wanted to change that for years.  My life got a great deal better when I realized that being different gave me more opportunities is seeing the world in new and exciting ways.

I used to get some interesting reactions over the years.  There were people who met me and realized I was someone unique and extraordinary.  I was always very hesitant to accept this praise.  Since my recent life changes, I am working on accepting this kind of praise.  I did not see the potential others saw in me.  I was involved in DeMolay, a Masonic sponsored youth group for young men.  I was groomed for leadership.  I did not see it.  I became it and I exceeded all my expectations and those of people who knew me.  Many of my friends, family and advisors were not surprised with what I accomplished.   

Normalcy is an illusion made by the average to discourage exceeding one’s station.  It is a herd or flock mentality.  Why be normal?  It is a form of mediocrity.  We should strive to be our best and accept no limits.  The weirdos, the strange the unique are our innovators, iconoclasts, our pioneers and our legends.

Food & Me Part II

As stated, before I grew up open to many different foods.  I was very lucky that my parents were adventurous with food.  My mom learned how to make her own flour tortillas.  She did this because with us on a wheat free diet she could not use the tortillas from the store.  She baked homemade bread too.  She had found a four that had additives, the natural kind not chemical, that made us able to tolerate wheat.  This was only with that particular flour mixture.  In a way I was spoiled.  I saw my mom experiment to find ways around our dietary restrictions. I was also discovered to have a sensitivity to cane sugar, so honey and real pure maple syrup were used as replacements.  At this time my mom was the den mother for my Cub Scout pack.  She tried to introduce what we ate to the neighborhood. It did not go over well.  I was teased by some of the kids for her food.  Thanks to mom I do not care for most cake frosting or cheap ice creams.  I find them to sickeningly sweet. 

Another uncommon thing we had in my family was our Christmas tradition for stocking stuffers.  Mom would not buy store bought candy and if she did it was a very limited amount.  Our stocking had some interesting stuffers in them: canned sardines, canned mussels, canned clams, canned oysters, canned baby octopus, dried fruit, pomegranates, cuttlefish or squid jerky, nuts of all kinds (pistachios were only bought during the holiday), and oranges.  Today I prefer those, cheese, chips, jerky and hummus as snacks.  I also prefer unsweetened peanut butter, especially with apples.

Over the years I learned a few tricks.  A Mexican restaurant in Woodland, WA had an interesting version of hot wings.  They glazed them in jalapeno jelly.  It took that idea and baked boneless pork in jalapeno jelly as a dish I worked with.  When I worked in pizza place for 4 or 5 years I had discover linguica.  Linguica is a Portuguese sausage that is used as a pizza topping in some places.  I used to order a pizza with linguica, bay shrimp (the little canned ones), and cheddar cheese.  A favorite restaurant of mine in my twenties was a place that fused Latin American food, Caribbean food and East Asian food.  One of these days, I should try to re-create their Mexican Chocolate cheesecake.  That place introduced me to many Caribbean and South American dishes.  Previously in university I found a place that served dishes fro various Latin American cuisines.   That place was where I was introduced to Tortilla Espanola, which is an egg and potato dish.

Due to the circumstances of my life with Barbara a lot of these things went away.  Part of my healing has been reconnecting to old traditions, like sushi and anime night or the pizza I mentioned earlier.  To some folks a great deal of what I ate could be considered weird or unusual.  My response to that is yes, I am those things too.  Also you can see my atypical food habits made me open to so many possibilities.  I will try most things once.  I hate to waste food.  Right now due to living arrangements cooking is difficult.  I cannot wait until that changes and the possibilities are endless culinarily as well.  That Is My Not So Humble Opinion.

The New Media Paradigm Strikes Back

I have not hidden the fact that I am a fan of professional wrestling. Yes, I know it is predetermined and scripted. When done right it is fun. I am not current with the WWE or TNA at the moment. I miss my WWE on demand subscription. The reason I miss it is all of their retrospective programming on the older events and performers. Right now I prefer going back. The newer personalities are not doing it for me. WWE finally launched their Network. They could not convince the cable companies to sign on. So they did the next best thing. They launched it as a streaming channel and an on demand service via the internet, game consoles, Tablets, Internet streaming devices (ROKU and Apple TV) and so on. Here is the kicker if you pay agree for 6 months of service you get Pay-Per- Views Live streaming. What are they charging? 9.99 a month. That seems a lot. However this includes their entire library from the late 40's to the present. All of the collected libraries from WCW, ECW, WCCW, AWA, FCW, Jim Crocket Promotions (NWA from the 70's to 80's) and more. That means they have over 60 years of Professional Wrestling History to play with. They own it. Unlike Netflix no licensing fees. Even if you are not a fan of the present iteration of WWE, there still could be programming that would interest you. If I had it I would get it. That is just me.  The new pay-per-view model with WWE Network so far has led to one content provider, Dish Network, refusing to carry any WWE pay-pre-views.  DirecTV has grumbled about following suit.  Other providers are going to wait month to month to see how things work out.

WWE a major media corporation just entered the New Media Paradigm.  Vincent K. McMahon has been trying to create a WWE channel for over a decade.  Other larger Media Corporations have made money off of him.  They also refused to let him play.  In the early eighties when he gained control of his company then the World Wide Wrestling Federation he wished to do things against convention.  During that time Wrestling Promotions were regional and you did not set up shop in a region without permission of the head of the region.  Vincent K. McMahon wished to go national.  He got shows on cable and started selling shows to various television markets.  When he was told no, he did it anyway or found a way around it.  He has done that again, this time with going streaming and on demand with content. 

The cable companies are still clinging to the old paradigm and they are losing ground.  There is a movement of cable cutters; they use the internet to access film and television.  The Cable companies then make agreements with content providers, Television Networks, Cable Networks and other Media Corporations, that force the need of a cable or satellite provider to access the content on the internet.  There is a demand for a la carte cable and satellite services.  There is also a demand for those without cable or satellite to pay for a subscription for internet access to content.  These corporations are refusing to do so and losing money to make their business partners happy.  Vincent. K. McMahon is tired of waiting for them.  I may not have agreed with many of his tactics, but this one makes absolute sense.

Music companies are also making huge mistakes by not signing acts that challenge conventional thinking in style and genre.  These acts are taking their work directly to the people through iTunes, Amazon and other internet music services.  Steam Powered Giraffe would have been ignored by the old media paradigm.  In fact they combine, street performance, Mime, theatre with folk and pop music.  They are gaining quite a following producing and selling their work through the internet music outlets.  Lindsay Sterling, The Piano Guys, Peter Hollens, Pentatonix, Street Corner Renaissance, Adam WarRock, The Doubleclicks and many more are doing the same thing.  Corporate media companies are losing ground in a serious way.  They are also losing the ability to be taste makers.  Due to the global nature of the internet, acts that had limited access to other parts of the world are going viral.  Gotye and PSY are evidence of this.  

Old school book publishers are struggling too.  Independent publishers and Amazon.com are gaining serious ground in this new electronic system.  In the past publishers took on internet savvy writers known for self-publishing assuming they did not have to put a dime into promotion.  That was a mistake.  Amazon is not repeating it.  They have scooped up some of those authors the traditional publishers let go.  Others went back to their roots of self-publishing.  They are succeeding selling their works through various e-pub sites.  Comics Books have gotten into the mix too.  ComiXology and DriveThruComics are working with Indie Publishers and Self-Publishers to gain new access.  Recently Amazon bought ComiXology.  This will work, because more options for sales does the company well monetarily.  DC and Marvel unlike their counterparts in Traditional Publishing are getting into the act.  They have digital first comics titles that are published online months prior to print.   

All of these changes have made me hopeful for the Evolution of Media into the New Media Paradigm.  There still will be those with a vested interest in the old paradigm kicking and screaming themselves into irrelevance.  That Is My Not So Humble Opinion.