What's in A Name

[Author’s Note: This is the fifth iteration of this blog. It began as a MySpace posts. Then as The Recovering Ubergeek on BlogSpot, later it became A Recovering Ubergeek, then Fumbling Forwards. This version is at a new URL from the previous versions, on BlogSpot which had the same URL just differing names.Here s all the articles on the name and its progression.]

What's in A Name

From May 5, 2013

Recently I was at the 2013 Stumptown Comics Fest in Portland, Oregon.  I told folks about my Blog, A Recovering Ubergeek.  Where did that come from?  The blog originated from essays from my MySpace page circa 2007 to 2008.  In 2009 when I started my Facebook page, I decided to put my thoughts down in a blog.  The name originally it came from me recovering from being an Ubergeek.  I was in a tragically horrible abusive relationship.  My Ex did some weird things.  First she was very controlling.  She was very sick and had many things she could not control, so she controlled what she thought she could.  That included me.  Stupid me, I allowed it.  She allowed me to buy my comics, but I would get in trouble if she caught me reading them.  Same thing with my video games, animation and other thing I liked she did not care for.  For a geeky person herself, she had weird ideas what obsessions were acceptable and not.  When I started my blog that is where I was in my head.  That is also why my posts were kind of light.

After a long talk with Kaebel Hashitani of Sequential Art + Gallery, I decided to start writing more.  I had a few false starts with fiction.  I decided to work on blog posts instead.  With that I started to talk about my journey.  In that bad relationship I lost much of what and who I was.  I gave up so much to make it work.  A relationship where one person is the only one willing to put anything into it, won’t work. Mine had not worked in almost a decade.  After a discovery I decided for my safety and self preservation I needed to go.  In the year and a half since then I have been rediscovering who and what I am.  I am also learning who I want to be.

I have begun recovering my Ubergeekiness.  I have been displaying my action figures.  I have been catching up on many comic books, although I had almost four years of floppy comics I was behind on, so I sold them and I am starting over there.  I am watching shows and movies that I was discouraged from seeing.  I have been going to Geek events and I am trying to become more a part of the Portland Geek Community.  I am still not much a gamer, but that is who I am.  I am reexamining what I like what I don’t.  I no longer have someone in my ear trying to tell me what to think.  I have people whose opinions I respect, but we don’t always agree. That is a good thing.  Being in my Forties I try to help folks discover new things.  Younger folks, I suggest stuff that influenced what they like from the recent works.  Folks in my age group I suggest newer stuff.  Most of those in the geek community are more current than general.  I try to help people learn of new stuff.  I am, myself, still learning about myself and everything around me.  That Is My Not So Humble Opinion.

What’s in A Name Again

From June 30, 2013

Funny thing, I finally post my examination the Origins of this Blog, A Recovering Ubergeek.  I realized I was not done.  I realized another meaning to this title.  I am recovering from an abusive situation and I am an Ubergeek.  This meaning was implied in the last article on the subject.  I felt though it needed to be obvious.  This post will be fairly short.  I am a survivor of abuse and this most recent period, a fourteen year relationship, was worst in my experience.  At the time I was unable to truly see it for what it was.  I was too close to the situation.  I allowed someone to make me responsible for everything in both our lives without any real decision making power.  I gave up too much of what made me who I was.  That has led to where I am I now; trying to figure out who I am and who I want to be.  The overwhelming problem is not what can’t I do but deciding from the infinite possibilities.  The funny thing is that this is in many ways a wonderful problem to have.

In the Future, I am going to be more about self interest.  That does not mean I am putting myself above others in a negative way.  It means I will not subsume my necessities to the point I have in the past.  I will not give up my necessities or parts of myself to please others.  I will surround myself with people who would never ask for that.  I will do better about boundaries my own and others.  I will let things happen in their own time not my own.  No rushing any relationship, be it a friendship or an intimate relationship.  People will need to accept the whole me, including that dorky nerdy Ubergeek part of myself; especially that part of me.  If people are not interested in getting to know me, I will let it go.  If it is meant to happen it will happen.  Forcing things never works.  What I left is proof of that.  I also need to remember sometimes the destination is not always the most important thing.  Sometimes the Journey itself is everything.  Well That Is My Not So Humble Opinion.

Ch-Ch-Changes

From March 19. 2015

I have come to an important decision.  I am working to start my own podcast.  I was trying to find a name to denote my personal journey and my optimism in it.  The name I came up with was Fumbling Forwards.  It denotes also humor and the case that I do not always know what I am doing and that I am still a work in progress.  I decided to use that name for the blog as well.

I have been really struggling with the name The Recovering Ubergeek.  There is so much more to me than just my geeky pursuits. The new name opens me up to social, political and spiritual discussions as well.  That does not mean that stuff is ever going to go away. I just am so much more and so will my blog be more. I already have tackled to more socially relevant subjects and covered my culinary history and pursuits. It is still me and all the older articles are not going anywhere.

The address is the same since it is connected to my account name and not the blog name.  Thank goodness for small favors like that. The name works for both the upcoming podcast and the blog.  Many of my personal journey articles fit the recovering side but not the Ubergeeky side.  The new name broadens that and makes anything a write possible.  It will be what it was plus so much more.  In a way this is a new introduction to the blog.  I have had a great deal of support for the name as it was for a podcast. I hope to get the same support for the change. This Has Been My Not So Humble Opinion.